“Are You Ready?”
That question has been asked so much of me in the last few weeks. The context, for those who might not know, is that I am getting married in a few weeks. Everyone is thoughtfully asking about my wedding preparations and if I’m “ready.”
The truth about it is that I flip flop between being shockingly calm with the wedding details (95% of the time) and other times spontaneously bursting into tears because there is so much to do in so little time.
I have to admit that I have been wrong. I apologize to every bridezilla that I have bashed behind her back that she turned a bit (or a lot) crazy while she planned her wedding. I have planned large-scale events before – both in college and at my job. What’s the difference between a big event and a wedding? Those girls just must be disorganized or overly emotional. Wedding planning would be a breeze for me.
Was planning those events challenging? Absolutely. But it turns out it pales in comparison to planning your own wedding.
Planning your wedding is different. It’s different because it’s extremely personal. And it’s my own.
Maybe I should rephrase. It’s not my own – it’s mine, my fiancé’s, and our event to share with our closest friends and family.
With planning an event for work or a group, I had a budget and a team to support me. Other than that, I was given the task, the desired outcome, and the instruction, “Just make it happen.” I worked through decisions by weighing cost-benefit and asking if it helped me achieve the goal/purpose of the event. It was a very objective process, even bordering sterile. I was passionate to be successful, as the outcome reflected on me professionally, but it was not something that “defined” me.
With the wedding, every decision, and even the details, is worked out as a team. My fiancé and I discuss. Sometimes we disagree. Disagreeing takes time to resolve and puts us behind. Sometimes I look at the to do list and think, “Why is this taking so long? I should be making more progress, but I feel like I’m spinning my wheels.”
There are reasons for that. First, is the good old dollar. Things really change when you’re dealing with your own money. Not that I was ever irresponsible with funds for events I’ve planned in the past, but you think about your spending very differently when the money is your own.
Second, every decision is emotionally charged. Instead of being objective and weighing cost-benefit like I’ve done before, I let my emotions steer me. It’s never efficient and almost always ends up clouding my thinking from seeing the clear, obvious solution to an issue.
So now I understand where the tears, anger, and frustration can emerge with bridezillas. It’s hard, and it’s an emotional time.
“But are you ready?”
I have a lot of the details planned. Is there more that has to be done? You bet. But that’s what the next few weeks are for. I’ll definitely take up all my incredible bridesmaids, friends, and family on their offers to help however they can. There is no sense in being a martyr and trying to do it all on my own.
I feel bad that it’s taken me this long to get to the actual point of this post, but I’ve reflected on the question “Are you ready?” a lot lately. I think it means a lot more than asking if I have the seating chart completed and my floral arrangements selected.
Am I ready to have this wedding?
Am I ready to move in with *gasp* a guy?
Am I ready to unconditionally commit myself to someone for the rest of my life?
Am I ready to marry this man?
It’s a lot to think about.
I’ve been ready for a very long time. But the full truth is that some of it scares me. It’s a big commitment, and I certainly don’t take it lightly. The fear isn’t a fear of commitment. It’s a fear that I love this man so deeply, so truly, that I sometimes fear the unknowns and the what ifs that I don’t know I can handle. What if things go wrong?
Then it hits me. If things go wrong, which they definitely WILL, that’s why we have each other. That’s why we are committing to this union – because we are stronger as a team than we are as individuals. There is no one I’d rather fight the future with, for better or for worse, than my best friend, my partner, my soulmate, my husband.
I once heard a saying (repeated often by my mom) that “Worry is faith in reverse.” I am wasting my energy by worrying about unknowns and things out of my control. I have to have faith in those around me and trust in God that there is a plan.
Whatever life throws at us, we have each other. And I really have a strong feeling that we’ve “got this.”
“So, are you ready?”
Yes. Yes, I am.